Panama – One Month In… December 9, 2008
Posted by Ken Newton in : Life in Panama , trackbackWhen you buy a car, you typically take it in for an inspection after putting on a few initial miles. If it is a new car, it’s more about warranty. If it is a previously owned car, you want to be sure everything is running as was described by the first owner, and that there are no surprises that might have been concealed or simply not considered.
Lynda and I have been in Panama for a month, and I am bringing in my first experiences for some diagnostics. This is probably a good time to do it, because we have put on enough “miles” for a reasonably valid assessment, and we are not “needing the car” for the next few weeks as we return to north america to spend Christmas with family.
My hands are starting to toughen up. There is a good assortment of fresh scrapes and bruises, and some longer term callouses beginning to form. I like what they represent, because there is nothing more gratifying than taking the land and converting it into something practical to existence. After 18 years of managing 4 hours sleep a night, I am enjoying a solid 8 hours, amidst strange night noises and early-rising roosters. I have reduced my coffee intake from 9 dishwater cups to 3 outstanding cups of coffee made from freshly roasted local beans.
We are experiencing friendships, not in relation to an institution and its expectations of community, but out of each new day’s activities and coincidences. People we are getting to know better are proving to be real and compassionate. There is no end to spontaneous acts of kindness, and it is so contagious that we find ourselves planning our days around how we can add value outwards.
We have learned how to shower using less than one minute of hot water. We are learning what insects to be concerned about and what is simply movement across the floor or under the furniture. We know that there is nothing better than a fresh-picked mandarine or grapefruit to start the day. We understand the concept of cardboard and eggs. We no longer think we are losing our memory because we have no idea what day it is, let alone date. (I think that is because for all of our lives our week was in relation to Sunday, and now with every day a Sunday, what does it really matter unless you have a train to catch).
Life is no longer assumed. Access to stuff is limited. Disposable income is non-existent. Frivolous expenditure, for that matter, is not an option. Sacrifical giving is an option, and there is a big difference. Both can lead to some form of consequence, but one feels a lot better doing, and does not prey on the conscience.
We have had to change up hard on what we thought we had financially as different than what we find ourselves with. Like so many others, our retirement savings were detonated with all that is happening in the world economy, and with what we had, the government made sure they took their share so as to be certain we would ultimately end up requiring social assistance of some form. Monthly financial support from another source that we had calculated into our first year coverage of our living costs never materialized. So, after one month, we realize that we have been way off on our projections of income, and there has been no option other than to better define our needs in the context of a new culture, and manage to that.
I guess the analogy to the car on the point of finances is that we have found an important part of the car’s operation to be defective, but are going to have to defer the repair and drive less until the resources are in place to correct the problem. But, we still get to drive the car for absolute requirements, and while not in use, we can keep it clean and take care of all the other components. Ah yes - another analogy…. We know someone who knows things about cars, and will offer his time to do the work for us and expect nothing in return.
Continuing….
We miss our kids and grandchildren. I know I miss the business of every day, because that is what my life has been, right or wrong, before now. Idle time and a compulsion to some corporate obligation that is no longer present leaves me feeling short on meaningful contribution, even though it is meaningless. I miss greater options. I miss status and admiration that only came from what I did, and not who I was. I know we will always want to be with our family. But I also know that very quickly, given the terms of our lives here, and the better values and genuine affection of our new friends, the other stuff is going to dissipate.
Lynda and I are still discovering each other within all of this. There has never been any question for us in making the decision to live in Panama that we both want to do this. How we are processing it now that we are here is where there is some separation and ambiguity. But, with that, and with me working harder on my tolerance and appreciation of Lynda’s ideas and feelings, we are enjoying a new dimension of communication and respect and love for one another.
Great things are ahead. The “car” is in pretty good working order. The prior owner took pretty good care of things, but often neglected the really important things. The tires are down to the tread-wear indicators, but they can wait a little longer to be replaced. Meanwhile, we will watch more closely for potholes and sharp objects, and be on the lookout together.
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